Retreat

Sometimes, we just need to RETREAT.

Retreat: an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable.

And that is what we did. 50 women from my church retreated to a place about 30 miles out of town. It was an actual “christian retreat center.” I didn’t know that such a thing existed, but I’m sure glad they do. It was like a 20 bedroom house complete with a staffed kitchen, a pond, campfires and all of our girls. It was only 24 hours, but it was wonderful. This year, the format for the retreat was different than usual. We each got to choose four workshops to take which were lead by women from our church. There were so many to choose from, but the ones I attended were called: Family Traditions, The Proverbial Woman, Money, and Take my Wife! Each of the workshops were for an hour, but we could have spent a day on each topic.

In the Family Traditions class, we talked about what things we could do daily or weekly to bring God into our children’s lives. About LIVING the way you want to be remembered: Do you want your kids to remember that you were always on your computer, always cleaning, or that you lived WITH them. And I also realized that kids live what they see. They emulate us. Whether we want them to or not. My mom’s motto was, “Do as I say, not as I do.” She must have said that because she knew that I was bound to copy her. I don’t want to be a slave to a clean house, but I do want my kids to know what it’s like to live in community with the family. To take good care of the things we’ve been blessed with. So, I need to live that. I want my kids to emulate me reading the Bible, not watching TV. I tend to revolve my life around my kids and their needs. And I don’t live MY life in front of them. Someone pointed out that I need not be my kids’ primary playmate. They need to see me live my life in front of them so that they know how to become grown ups. If I spend my life on the floor playing with them, they’ll never grow up, because they won’t know that they have to. All that said, I believe in attachment parenting and gentle parenting. That does not change. But I do realize that spending all of my time in my child’s world will only help them grow up to believe they are the center of the world.

In the MONEY class: Money is so important in our lives, and when we go through hard times we tend to WORRY. But better would be to REST in knowing that God will provide for you. It might not be how you expected or how you would choose, but He cares and He will take care of you. One of the biggest lessons I learned in that class was to find the blessings even when your circumstances are not how you want them to be. What good can you pick out of the situation? Instead of ENDURING through hard times, really find the good part of the situation and dwell in that.

Ahh..and The Proverbial Woman. If you’ve never read about her, you should. She is a profoundly productive woman! Reading about her makes you feel certainly inadequate. But, what I didn’t know before is that the story of this woman probably wasn’t literal. It was written for young Jewish people as a guideline on how to live “the best” way. So, instead of leaving this class feeling like I could never be as awesome as that woman, I left with the thought that whatever I am able to do, do it the best that I can, as if I was working for God. Yes, God is my boss. I do not do these thankless jobs like cooking and cleaning to please my family. And, by the way, they cannot and will never thank me enough to satisfy my need–as if that were my paycheck. I do these things, because I have been called to. My heavenly Father gave me this family. And I am being a good steward of this gift by doing the best that I can as if working for the Lord. Have you ever been in charge of taking care of children, say at church, and you like all the kids and of course and you take care of them….but if the pastor of the church drops off their child, don’t you want to take special care of that child? Make sure she doesn’t get hurt, dirty, or give a bad report back to her DAD?? I’ve experienced that. There’s something about having the responsibility of caring for “the boss’ kid” that is different. My husband, my children, they are the boss’ kids. God has blessed me with these people to have in my life for a short time. And when I report back to the boss, I don’t want to be embarrassed or ashamed of the job I’ve done. I want Him to look at me and say, “Well done.”

And finally, Take My Wife! This workshop was about marriage, of course. How to be a good wife. We talked about the misconception of submission. Submission does not equal doormat. I learned that when you submit to your husband, it will cause you to pray for him. If I know that my husband has final say on a matter that we’ve discussed, it will CAUSE me to pray for God to give him wisdom, to help him make the best choice. And that is GOOD. I don’t pray enough for my husband, and I’m sure I don’t submit enough. I am really going to try to TRUST God to TRUST my husband to make the best choice. Other interesting points about submission, because I know it is not popular in today’s culture: God does not call the husband to make sure you submit. Your husband is not part of the submission equation. It is between YOU and GOD. I’m sure there are “christian” husbands out there who are trying to make sure their wives are submitting, and this is not ok. Submission is something a wife does as instructed by God and it will be to her benefit. Also, God calls us to submit to OUR HUSBANDS, not ALL men. Generations have tried to pass off submission as a way to make women second class citizens. This is not how the Lord intended. God created woman to be man’s companion. The submission is only to your husband, not men in general. Oy! I could go on and on. Such good stuff!

Apart from the classes, it was just nice to be with other women. Many of them are mothers too. It was good to sleep in a bunk bed and sit around a campfire in our pajamas. These are moments when I know that I am not alone. I am a beloved child of God. And these are my sisters.

Growing in Grace and Granola

Now that I have decided to live as my authentic self, I have committed whole-heartedly to grace-filled granola living! Something that my parents never taught me (and I wish they would have) was that if there seems to be no way, MAKE the way yourself! And the doors are opening wide. People like me aren’t nearly as odd or hard to find as I once thought. Even if, at least right now, they only exist in cyber world!

On the grace side, a friend and I, have started a moms small group bible study on Wednesday mornings geared towards moms who are interested in connecting and learning how to be more graceful parents. This is another area where I had previously felt alone, but now know that I am not. I had never been able to attend any of the bible studies at church because they are held on weekday evenings. And this seems to be the method for deep connections in our church. But, due to my husband’s schedule, I cannot break away until my kids are in bed, so for two years I have never been able to make these deep, lasting connections with the women at my church. I longed for a daytime group, but thought no one else was interested, or else there would be such a group! Little did I know that other women had been talking about it, and it just took me and one other woman to step up and start the group. Now we have nine women who gather each week to discuss a book that teaches us how to be gentle grace-filled mothers who are raising up children of God. Awesome!

And on the Granola front–I am passionate about nutrition, especially with children, and also natural health. I would call my usual way of feeding my family, well–good. Not great, but good. We don’t do alot of the typical kid type food like hot dogs, mac n cheese, lunchables, etc. I would say that we mostly eat whole foods. “Junk food” for my kids is graham crackers and gold fish crackers, which only come around once in a while. I am happy that my children do not beg me for candy, doughnuts and cookies. Even when we have special occasions when cake and candy come around, they seem to enjoy them for the day–and I mean ENJOY it, but they don’t commence with begging for it for a month thereafter. I love that. However, I’ve never felt like we eat like I really wanted to, and that has been due to the financial part of funding an organic, whole foods diet. I look at my budget now, and then cannot fathom how I could basically double it so that I could buy organic products. Well, another door opened. I don’t even know how I stumbled on to this fantastic blog about how to create a “1$ menu” with nourishing foods. This website, has helped me take that leap into truly living out what I believe. Using her dollar menu recipes, I bought many organic and “crunchy” type items and still created a week’s worth of dinners for under $100. I bought things like organic coconut oil, organic raw sugar, organic sea salt. And these are staples that I won’t have to buy next time. As I build up these “odd” staples, I can see the bill getting even lower. I made recipes that I wasn’t even sure I or my husband would like. But it turns out, they were fantastic. So, I’m convicted. I’ve been affirmed time and again over the past few weeks that what I know to be true and right can be attained with a little creativity and a little bit of hard work. I can’t end this paragraph without giving credit to my new dinner companion– The Nourishing Gourmet. And a quote from her site:

I don’t try to eat a king’s diet on a peasant’s budget, because if I were to try, I would end up buying poor quality food. Instead I try to concentrate on frugal and nourishing peasant food.

This is the attitude I will live by, because I believe that it is an attitude that is supported by both Grace–and Granola filled living.

Though my ultimate goal is to be less separated by the Grace and Granola parts of my life, making strides in each area will only strengthen my resolve to merge the two. Who knows, maybe I’ll bring a new nourishing whole foods treat on my day to bring a snack to our moms group!

I feel quite liberated, though a little bit sad, that it took me 34 years to figure out who I am. Oh well….let the journey begin!

Goats

The last few weeks I have been feeling very discouraged about the lack of “real life” people I know who are interested in the same things I am. I feel a terrible lack of confidence in my choices when no one around me agrees with me, and in many cases, they flat out oppose my ideas. I find that I can find good Christian women that I can relate to on a spiritual level, but they have no interest in the “granola” part of my life. I know that if I went into the city or found a group online I could meet some of those “granola” types, but I am doubtful that they would subscribe to my christian ideals. Perhaps I’m stereotyping, but really, it’s just based on my experience. I even told my husband last week that I thought maybe we should move out of the suburbs and move way “out there” somewhere. And it’s not that I don’t like people, I do. I long for deep and meaningful, intense frienships, but it’s easier to stay true to your convictions when you are not living among people who contradict your beliefs. I expressed my sadness to my husband and he was shocked that I would want to leave the community at church that I’ve worked so hard to become a part of. And honestly, I don’t want to leave those women, I think that if I just had SOMEONE to talk to, it would feed that need.

Last night, our associate pastor asked my friend and I to come over to their new house to talk about the new moms’ small group that we have just started. This new pastor has been with us for about 6 months and I have talked with him and his wife a few times. They have FIVE children and she homeschools. Wow. I had met with her once to talk about homeschooling, because I’ve been interested in learning about it. But it wasn’t until last night that I found out that she is interested in goats. Yes, goats! Now, I’m using goats just as an illustration, because what it represents is what I’ve been looking for. A few months ago, I was looking online and found a private goat farm just a town away in a suburb, and they sell raw goat milk and teach classes about how to do certain things with the milk. I couldn’t believe we had such a resource so close to a large city, right in the next suburb. So, my pastor’s wife mentioned certain things that lead us to talking about goat milk and how she is going to take a class there on how to make cheese. Hallelujah! It was a fantastic discovery. Finally, someone who doesn’t feed their kids hot dogs and kool-aid every day, and won’t look at me cross-eyed when I won’t let my kids eat fruit loops. It was such a relief. And I’ve now realized that I don’t even NEED to have a deep, intense friendship with this woman, I just needed to know that she’s HERE. That there is someone else in the crowd like me. That if I had a question or found a great website I could call her. That is what I needed. To know that I’m not crazy! She is a very respectable woman, she doesn’t look like your typical “crunchy” person. As I am, she is a very mainstream “looking” person who just thinks and cares deeply about how we live life with one foot on each side of the line. AMEN!

The education of…..

…Me. To describe my education would take pages upon pages of blog text to get the complete story out. But let’s just say that I’ve done alot of school and have nothing to show for it! I went to one of the top high schools in the nation…because I lived in the right place. I didn’t know it at the time, but I received a stellar education. The problem is that when you are at a top high school, it is a challenging curriculum that is put before you. So, I was a B student. And that didn’t feel good. I wanted As, and so did my mom. What I didn’t know is that the B I got in math in 5th grade would have earned me an A+ in the town next door. Not only was the material advanced, we worked on a harder grading scale! So, I spent most of my school career feeling like I wasn’t good enough. And no one was there telling me that I was. I had my challenges in school that turned me off from reading, which is a huge part of education, unfortunately. So, I made it through school and graduated in a respectable position. I set off to college and there is where I found out what a fantastic education I had received in my hometown. Classes were easy to moderate, but I received good marks without even studying. Apparently what they were teaching in college, I had just learned in high school. I was actually fascinated by that revelation, but it didn’t serve me well. I didn’t have to study, so I didn’t. I also had to work my way through college, which I could only manage for one solid year before I had to start taking time off from school so I could save up for another semester. I went off and on for about 8 years and changed my major about six times. I have alot of interests, and most of them are not even remotely related! Let’s see if I can remember all of my college majors:

-Interior Design
-Psychology
-Art Education
-Criminal Justice
-Social Service/Family Studies
-Interior Design 2.0

It was during my last round of Interior Design studies that I became pregnant with my first son and shortly thereafter my second. During the time I have been away from school raising my children, I have been self-educating on even more diverse topics, but of course that doesn’t count for anything (which I think is crazy.) I have always wanted to finish a degree, just so all of that wasn’t for nothing. I feel like such a knowledgeable person in alot of areas, but I have zero credibility without a degree in anything. I think even if I would have gotten that degree in Interior Design, people would take me more seriously in just about any other topic. As if that degree puts a person on the next level of humanity.

Present day me….I have a passion for helping people. Just like I always have. I am fascinated by natural healing and nutritional therapy. I have a lot of knowledge about these subjects, but people don’t tend to risk the health of their bodies to people who have no training. I love that I have a couple of friends who will ask me questions about helping their kids through a cold or how I helped my own son with his colic. But beyond that, I’m not really qualified to help anyone. I also feel like there is a ton of information out there on the web and in books, but I have not learned it all in a way that it sits right in my brain. I didn’t learn things in the right order. So, I would love to go to school to learn it right, so that I can really know what I’m doing. And honestly, my main goal is just to take care of my family. I want to know how to feed us in a way that keeps our bodies working like a well-oiled machine, so that we do not get sick in the first place. And, I want to know exactly what to do when my kids are sick and not second guess myself. However, I do not have any interest in going back to college and completing the general ed requirements like world history and physical science. I just want to learn what I want to learn.

Last night, I found it. I found the program that suits me perfectly. I had been looking at this school for the past year, but I never took the time to look at this one program in particular. It’s called “Family Herbalist.” And honestly, that just didn’t sound like what I wanted. But after I checked out the courses in the curriculum, it really is exactly what I want. And if I love it, I can proceed through two more levels of study in the topic. There are only nine courses that I would need to take. I can do that! It’s exactly what I need. This goal is attainable. I’m going to do it!

Here we go….

Well, I guess I’m a blogger!   I don’t know who, if anyone, will end up reading this.  But, I guess that’s the point.  I don’t think I could write down my thoughts if I knew the people who were going to read them.  That strikes me as odd even as I write it.  I am completely willing to let strangers read my inmost thoughts, but not my close personal friends and family.  Maybe that’s part of the problem.  Judgment.  I wonder if other people feel as judged as I do.  I really can’t do anything or say anything without thinking through what other people would say about me.   Yuck!   Somewhere in my childhood I started living for other people instead of for myself.  I wonder if it’s because of the utter lack of adult interest and guidance that made me look to others to see how to get along in life.  I, literally, went to college because that is what everyone else was doing.  I did not have a parent sit down with me and ask what I was going to do, as if I had options.  Fortunately, I lived in a town where 90% of kids went to college, so that is what I did.  That is just an example of how my mind works.  If I want to know what clothes to buy, I think of my Aunt C and wonder if she would approve.  Because, after all, she is the fashion expert of the family.  Couple that with the fact that my family is harshly  judgmental and it’s a tough road. 

I feel like I’m ready to be me.  There are enough things out there that genuinely speak to my heart that I can grab hold of and run with.  And that is where Grace and Granola comes from. 

When I first wrote the title, “Grace and Granola,” I thought it was cute, if not a little hokey.  And then I second guessed myself and thought I should change it because after all, I am not the most grace-filled person and I am certainly not the “crunchiest” by any means.  I talked myself out of it.  Fortunately though, I left the blog template up on my laptop one evening and my husband, strangely, needed to use my computer.  Later that night, he asked me, “Is that YOUR blog?”  And I told him it was, sheepishly.  He was beaming.  He told me that it was PERFECT, and that he always has trouble coming up with catchy names for himself and his work.  I guess that just helped me feel validated.  That I actually did have an accurate picture of myself for once.  I needed that.

So, back to Grace and Granola.  That’s me.  I am a Christian mom with a slant towards natural health and healing.  Somehow, in the real world, those two things contradict each other.  I want to paint a picture of someone who can build a bridge between both worlds.  I believe that the God of the universe created me, my children, and the earth we call home.  I believe that my children, my husband, the earth and everything in it are on loan to me by God, and I should treat them accordingly.  I believe that God created the plants and animals for us to use to sustain us.  And that includes nutritious foods and healing plants.  I also believe that God gives us wisdom to create things like medicine, BUT that our corrupt selves have moved away from the natural to the created by people who value money over health.  Well, that’s a long complicated story, isn’t it?  I guess where it gets fuzzy for me is when politics creates an invisible line that separates all these people who all want to protect God’s creation.  Whether it be protect the whales or protect the unborn, it all comes from a place of love.  People become so defined by their politics that they can’t see that you can happily exist with one foot on each side of the line.  That’s where I live.  Welcome to my world.

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