It’s November now, and what I want my boys to be focusing on is gratitude.  I thought if I am about to set my eyes heavenward, why not invite them to join me?  If my eyes had been fixed heavenward when I was a child, how much more lovely would my life be today?  I am determined to help my children live an attitude of gratitude, and believe me, we are starting at ground zero!

Surprisingly, on November 1st when I asked my darling boys to name three things they are thankful for, there replies were:

God – because there would be no creation without God
Jesus – because he did for my sins
A family – to never be lonely

Seriously, you could have knocked me over with a feather.  I thought for sure the first words from their tiny mouths would be, Legos, Trains and pizza.  Guess what was first on my list of things I’m thankful for — boys with hearts for Jesus.  Amen.

If you have not picked up the book One Thousand Gifts, please do, and be prepared for your life to change.  I am taking the month of November to form a habit of gratitude for myself and my family.

I begin the month of November with these gifts:

1. Boys with hearts for Jesus
2. Time to spend living in the mess of homeschooling life
3.  Giggles coming from the family room with Peter Pan playing
4.  6 year old singing to praise songs on the radio, because he wants to “get his day off to a good start”
5.  Warm cider
6.  Halloween fun in our new neighborhood
7.  Plenty of shoes
8.  Sale on a winter coat
9.  a good friend who I can trust enough to be my whole honest self
10.  opportunity to serve God through my church

Let the praises ring!

Now, let’s return to the 31 Days of Surrender with… surrendering my Doubt.  I struggle with this and I didn’t even know it until I confided in a godly friend about the way I feel about my relationship with God.  I feel like God is not close.  I feel like God doesn’t care.  I feel like God has forgotten about little old me.  I feel like I am less in God’s eyes.  My dear friend told me that it is not about how I feel.  When I listen to my feelings I am believing a lie if it does not line up with what GOD himself says He is. What is God’s character?  It seems like it was once so clear, but somehow in the muddiness of my life I have lost sight of who God is.  I praise Him.  I worship Him.  I pray to Him.  But my feelings have tricked me into believing untruths about his character.  This means that I must consult the Bible to find out about who God is. Without the authority of the Bible, any attempt to explain God’s character would be no better than an opinion, which by itself is often incorrect as I can testify to!

God is just Acts 17:31

God is loving Ephesians 2:4-5

God is truthful John 14:6)

God is holy 1 John 1:5

God is compassionate 2 Corinthians 1:3

God is merciful  Romans 9:15

God is gracious  Romans 5:17

God judges sin Psalm 5:5

but he offers forgiveness Psalm 130:4

I believe that God doesn’t lie, he is just and holy, and He does not go back on his word.  I do I really believe this.  But, how does He feel about me?

Because he delights in me, he saved me. (Ps. 18:19)

As a man rejoices over his new wife, so your God will rejoice over you. (Isaiah. 62:5)

Ahhh.  It’s like a breath of fresh air!  He doesn’t like me because I’m good enough.  He doesn’t take care of me because of a sense of obligation.  He looks at me and He revels in me just like I revel in my own children.  He cheers me when I triumph and he hurts for me when I fall.  He sent His beloved Son to die for ME.  If I was the only one in the whole world, He would have died just for me.  And He would have died just for you. 

So, the next time you doubt if you are good enough, worthy enough, beautiful enough, Remember this… If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. And the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem? Face it, friend. He’s crazy about you — and me!

See you in a few days, when power is restored!

I am the type of person who likes to know everything.  I cannot let a question go unanswered, I’ll be the first to volunteer for researching which bird we just saw up in that tree.  I like answers.  What I do not like:  loose ends, unanswered questions and Football.  Sometimes, being that girl who can find an answer to any question is really handy and dare I say, a positive quality.  However, I have recently come to realize that sometimes my quest for answers is really just me trying to control …. well, everything.

Recently, I have been under some stress concerning whether or not we will be continuing to rent our current home, which we love, or having to move to a smaller home or even moving our family of four into the home of my dear friend who is single. The moment this quandary became my reality, my head started spinning.  Where will we live, when will we move, do I need to start packing NOW?  I felt like crawling out of my skin because of all the unanswered questions my family was facing.  About one week after my husband told me that we really need to make some decisions, I had already spent countless hours on the computer searching for available housing option is our area.  It was the day before my birthday and my husband had a business trip out of town overnight and he arranged for the kids to stay at his parents’ house that night and I would have the house all.to.myself.  Do you know how rare that is?  I’m sure many of you do!  I had about twelve hours to myself and during most of that time I could not relax because my mind was racing.  I spent about half of my time researching online and formulating plans and options for potential outcomes.  I was making myself crazy and I even knew it was crazy while I was doing it!

The next morning, it was my birthday.  The house was still quiet, I held my warm mug of coffee as I sat on the couch looking out the window as I often do. It was my birthday and I knew I wanted to start this year off right. I picked up a dated devotional that I use often, but not consistently, and I turned to the page with my day marked in the top right corner.  Jesus Calling bySarah Young.  And He did.    I wanted desperately to hear from Jesus this day.  Listen to what He said:

You will not find my peace by engaging in excessive planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future.

Say what, Jesus??  Did you just write this page and inspire me to pick up this book?  Really, Jesus?

That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief.  When your mind spins with multiple plans, peace may sometimes seem to be wthin your grasp; yet it always eludes you.  Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.

I did not design the human mind to figure out the future.  That is beyond your capability.  I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me.  Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears.  Commit everything into my care.   Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.  Here, I had just spent my entire day of peace and quiet worrying, planning, and spinning my wheels and I was no farther ahead than I had been before I began.  And I knew in that instant that the Lord was speaking to me.  What else could I have done that day?  Could I have done something nice for my family?  Could I have spent even a minute with God?  Or could I have just rested my mind and body for a change?

That day I surrendered.  I surrendered my need for control.  I told my husband that I was done plotting and planning.  If he needed me to start packing or researching then he needed to tell me when it was time.  I lifted my cares up to the God of Peace and I never looked back.  That very weekend, the Lord covered me with His grace.  I received and unexpected outpouring of love from my sisters in Christ where God spoke to my inmost being, reminding me that, He’s got me. 

And He’s got you.  You are a beloved child of God, chosen and adopted daughter of the King.  You matter to the Creator of the universe.  He’s got you.

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

Today, I again, surrender my need for control to the Lord who already has it all worked out.

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.    Jeremiah 29:11

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so i can see

Everything that i keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach?

Give me your heart for the one’s forgotten

Give me your eyes so i can see

I love the idea of having Kingdom eyes.  I can imagine what it would be like.  I can imagine how it would feel.  But how do I get there?  I have prayed for the Lord to give me eyes like his.  I know that when I was a younger girl, I had more of the Lord’s vision than I do now, so something must have changed.  When I was a new believer, I was tender-hearted and my heart broke over injustice and suffering in the world.  Now, not so much.  You would think that having a husband and children would give me more compassion for the world, but I find that the husband and children, though wonderful, have caused me to become more self-centered instead of other-centered.  And it’s true that I am constantly thinking about other people — my kids.  My family is my whole world.  Everything I do is with them or for them.  And I really love it, I do!  But the busyness of caring for a family has drawn my eyes downward into the minute by minute messes and schedules and chores. My focus on the mundane and the need to get everything done is keeping me from seeing my kids and my world with my Father’s eyes.  After all, I am the only mother they have!  And I am responsible for educating these little people!  And my husband might starve to death if I don’t prepare every.single.meal for him!  And what about that scuzz in the corner of the bathroom floor? How can I possibly consider the devastation of Haiti with my own personal tornado swirling around me?

There has to be a way for a busy mama to have Kingdom Eyes. What can I surrender– give up– to God, to receive Kingdom Eyes in return? To begin with, I will surrender my plans and my busyness and everything that I think is important and hand it right over to God.  His plans are far better than my own anyway!

Dear Lord, every day there seems to be so much that has to get done and so little time. I know that living life stressed and frustrated is not what You created me for. I surrender my plans for this day into your hands. Please help me each day to only do what You want me to do and not try to do more. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Definition:  Surrender

1. (v. t.) To yield to the power of another; to give or deliver up possession of (anything) upon compulsion or demand; as, to surrender one’s person to an enemy or to an officer; to surrender a fort or a ship.

2. (v. t.) To give up possession of; to yield; to resign; as, to surrender a right, privilege, or advantage.

6. (n.) The act of surrendering; the act of yielding, or resigning one’s person, or the possession of something, into the power of another; as, the surrender of a castle to an enemy; the surrender of a right.

People, there are 8 definitions of the word surrender!  And what’s worse, none of these sound like something I want to do!  Take a look at these definitions.  At first glance, I thought they were right on track with my understanding of surrendering. That is, until I read … “upon compulsion or demand.” and “as, to surrender a right, privilege, or advantage.” Is that what it means for us to surrender all?  That the Lord is demanding that we give up something that we love?  And most of these definitions lead us to believe that surrendering is an act of giving up something we love and handing it into the hands of our enemy.  Not what I had in mind.

Since I could not find what I was looking for in the good ol’ dictionary, I turned to the ultimate source of meaning and truth, my Holy Bible, of course.  Funny thing, I couldn’t find the word surrender in my Holy Bible–NIV anyway.  But I do believe that I have found the meaning of the word surrender, as I understand it:

Psalm 55:22

22Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

Now that’s what I’m talking about.  Those are the words that make me breathe lighter.  Those are the words that take the weight off of me.

My two little boys were playing with their little fishing poles the other day.  Casting their lines across the backyard.  When I read the word cast in the scriptures, I imagine their little hands, gripping hard to their rod and reel, leaning back and with all their might they cast that line just as far as they can.  That weight which was once held tight to the end of their rod, now sails through the sky and lands deep in the grass unseen by their tiny eyes. Their faces all lit up.

Can we do that?  Can we lean back and cast our cares unto the Lord. He says we can.  He says that if we will, He will sustain us.

This weekend, I attended a women’s conference which was two days of filling and fellowship.  In one way I am refueled because of all of the love, truth and hope.  But I’m also all poured out.  You know how it is when you have so many emotions and so much learning and so much growth, and it is SO good, but draining.  Today, I surrender to the Lord my energy and my lack of sleep.  If I hold tight it will be my excuse for why NOT to do this or that and why I have to take a nap or why I will be grumpy with my children.  Today, I choose to surrender my lack of energy to the Lord, my provider.  He is my source. He alone can sustain me today.

What weight could you do without today?  Cast your cares upon the Lord, your God!

This might just be the most productive month of my life.

I can’t be the only one who wrestles with life, right?  Come on…Fess up!  Who else is wrestling with life right now?  Are you ready to surrender?

Yes, that’s right, I am joining The Nester’s 31 Days of Change. I am not a blogger, not even a writer. Why oh why would I subject myself to 31 days…IN A ROW…of doing something that I am not comfortable with? The truth of the matter is that I would love to write a blog. But over two years I have written about 10 posts. This is not what I had in mind! When I realized it was time for Nester’s annual 31 days series, I just had a feeling that this is what I needed to get into a habit of writing.

What to write about? I would definitely consider myself a jack of all trades – master of none! This bugs me to no end. But, what an opportunity to go deep on one topic. I’ve considered writing about natural health, homeschooling, fall recipes and gratitude. After reading Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts, I have known down in the deepest parts of my soul that if I could form a habit of gratitude it would change.my.life. Have I done it yet? No! After all, habits and consistency are not my strong suits. I like to know a little bit about everything, try everything once. But what if I could just commit to this one thing — Gratitude?

I love Autumn. I have always said it is my favorite season. But do I really appreciate it? Not lately. The past six years of mothering have left me in a tailspin. I am lucky if I can find my keys when I need them and remember when I need to be somewhere. It’s time to slow down and really appreciate the gift of Autumn.

For the next 31 days, I will be noticing Autumn. I will feel it, see it, hear it, smell it and….taste it! And I will be sharing it with whoever might stop by. Come, appreciate Autumn with me. Really, it’s time!

I have a few ideas for my 31 days. Lord willing, my first post will be up on October 1st!